"Most plain girls are virtuous because of the scarcity of opportunity to be otherwise." -- Maya Angelou
Nothing better to get you laughing than a little "girl talk".
So the subject of why boys and girls are different comes up this afternoon with the girls.
Me: Bre tell your little sister what makes boys and girls different.
Bre: Well sometimes boys...
Me: The ONE thing that always makes boys and girls different.
Two completely blank faces starting at me.
Me: Girls have...
Now we are playing charades as I indicate my chest.
Me: Bre what do girls have?
Bre: Mom, make Brooke say it. (apparently when you are 9 you can not talk about such things)
Brooke: Boobies! (Brooke however, she can't wait to have a pair of her very own!)
Me: Right, boys don't have boobies, what do they have?
Again with the blank faces. Now both girls have had close male friends since they were in diapers and while potty training, so they have seen one before.
Me: Hint, boys can pee standing up.
More blank stares.
Me: Boys have penises.
Brooke: That's why they can pee standing? But they sit to poop, right?
Me (able to keep the laughter to myself): Yes, they sit to poop.
Breanna (to Brooke): That's why boys and girls have different potties at school.
Brooke (after some serious thought): All boys have a penis?
Me: Yes, all boys. (oh dear I see the gears in her head moving as she processes this nugget of information)
Brooke: Even Daddy?
Me: Yes.
Brooke: Daddy has a penis?
Me: Yes. (I can tell she's really thinking about this)
Brooke: (in all of her 5 year old wide eyed innocence) Wow, daddy's must be really big... huge... humongous.
Me (trying not to choke laughing while changing the direction of her thoughts) Yep, big boys, grown ups have them too.
Brooke (have I mentioned that this child can not be stopped when on a roll?): Daddy must have a big penis, really big.
At this point I am practically in tears, hiding behind the microwave in the kitchen barely able to speak for the stifled laughter.
Me: Maybe we shouldn't tell daddy we were talking about his penis. This is what we call "girl talk".
Of course I told him tonight after the girls were in bed. And he did see the humor in the conversation. Although, I am fairly certain he considered my tears of laughter over the size of his member a bit much. So let's just keep this little post between us, mmm- kay? Just a little "blog talk".
This week's confession is that I am totally hooked, completely invested, OMG tearing up over the Bachlorette!
Shocking! I know! As I've openly admitted to being a complete reality tv whore, and here, mentioned it here, here, here, and of course here and here, oh and don't forget this doosey. However, the only season of this series I have even half-ass watched was Jesse Palmer's, 'cause us Gators, we stick together.
I don't know what it is, but I am completely enchanted by DeAnna. She is just the cutest little thing. Now before you haters start, I repeat I did not watch her season, so I have only the current couple of episodes to go on. But my main draw? The men this season, totally HAWT! I am a fan of the J's: Jason, Jeremy and Jesse. They are my hopes for the final three!
And RON? Thank Pete she kicked him to the curb. What an ass! And just who makes her cry next week? Dear gracious, what is wrong with me? Why the hell do I care so much?
Now, you all know you have a guilty tv pleasure. Come clean here among friends. Fess up, you'll feel so much better!
Me, yep, little ol' me. Seriously ya'll, I bitch and moan and complain all the time but deep down inside I know I've got it good. And I owe it to the hubby. My prince charming. Shh, don't tell anyone, but I really don't think I deserve him. Really.
Yesterday, he had a dentist appointment at 9:00am. He makes those appointments, because they always involve him missing some amount of work, so they are his deal. Anyway, this of course means that those appointments mean NOTHING to me. So yesterday morning I am bugging him about being late. And why in the name of Pete is he still here?! Dentist appointment, he points out, I'm sure not the first time he's told me either. Here's the problem, we use his leaving in the morning as our indication that we need to get butts in gear and start moving. So if he's home, we are all... yep you guessed it... running late! As I'm getting the girls out of the house, grabbing bags of juice boxes and chips for school parties, HE.IS.JUST.IN.MY.WAY!
My oldest usually rides her bike to school, but all the juice boxes are too heavy, so we have to drop her off on the way to Brooke's school. Let me tell you the fellow parents at drop off, they piss me off... um, irritate the hell out of me! For months after school started we got flyer after flyer telling us all to enter the drop off from the same direction, unfortunately it requires making a left hand turn into the school, with no light. Not a huge deal, except it is May and some parents still drive in from the other direction, making that left a pain in the royal freakin ass!
So I'm in a hurry, late because hubby being home threw off my schedule. I am ticked off because some dumb ass is approaching the school from the wrong direction and going faster than they should in the school zone, so I make the left in front of them... and SHIT, hit the dividing curb in the school drive. Okay, I have jumped many a curb in my day, mainly to park in places I probably shouldn't have, and have never had this happen. I hit that curb at exactly the wrong place and DAMNIT I have a FLAT TIRE! No freaking way! I pull into a parking place and call hubby, who is as we know AT HOME! SWEET! His office is 45 min. away, so on a normal day, we'd have been leaving that flat and hitching rides with friends.
Hubby shows up to change the tire and I leave with his car. I KNOW! I can't even stick around to cheer him on (Pete knows I wouldn't be helping) because this is the ONLY day of pre-K Brooke absolutely CAN NOT miss or be late for. It's the day they are riding the school BUS to graduation practice. See we live within 2 miles of our elementary and middle school and the high school they are currently building, my kids will not be bus riders, and riding the bus is FUN when you are a kid! Plus, graduation practice, yes for pre-school. Important stuff people!
The tire, she is dead. The spare on and ready to go. Hubby calls the dentist tells them his wife is a shitty driver, had a flat and he is on his way. Less than 15 minutes late for his appointment! Impressive! I then run by the dentist office after dropping off the munchkin and switch back cars with him. The replacement tire is apparently a rare breed, so me and the spare, we are bonding.
But back to hubby. He then drives to work, numb. Because, hello, sole bread winner in the family. Now imagine my surprise when he gets home EARLY for her.
So he can sit and do this.
While waiting for this.
And this.
Then of course hanging out afterwards for this.
Seriously, do I have the BEST Hubby EVAH, or what?!
*Stay Tuned.
We will return to our regularly scheduled smartass postings tomorrow.
Did ya'll know it's Prom Night? I was told all about this year's prom by Mr. Lady.
I didn't get a formal engraved invitation. But it's been awhile since I went to prom (in case you're new here, nice to meet ya' I'm old as dirt!) and I understand they do things differently these days. So, I checked out the party, New & Improved: Now with Martinis, and decided I'd crash... um, invite myself.
Prom is all about TRADITION. For girls, we gotta go get our hair did. I did that last weekend, and washed it Friday, so I'm good. Then there's the traditional pedicure for the pretty shoes. I got a pedi egg last week and touched up my toe nail polish while waiting to pick up munchkin from school. Wow, this is way less stress than I remembered. And this totally explains why I've had this urge lately to walk into a nail salon and order up a good old full set o' acrylics. Of course it could be my impending high school reunion and the horrible 80s hair flash backs causing that. Either way, off to have "The Time of My Life."
That sets the mood nicely for my trip down memory lane as well as confirms that yep, you're learning... older than dirt!
That girl? Sweet Sixteen and been oh so kissed. But, boyfriendless. As I was for EVERY major milestone through my teen years. Oh it's okay, don't feel sorry for me, I went to plenty of dances.
The year? 1986. How'd ya guess? It was the BIG hair wasn't it? I'm surprised I didn't topple over from the weight of all the Stiff Stuff used to hold it in place.
The boy? His name was Jeff, he was a SENIOR!
The dress? My sister's. Yes, she is 16 years older than me. Truth that classics never go out of style. And bonus prom fun fact, every dress, including this one was worn at least once more by me (mostly in college) and most of them were also borrowed at least once by friends. We were total dress whores!
The Date? It was a blind date, we didn't even go out to dinner, and I was home before my curfew.
Trivia: I broke my toe that day while assembling a shelving unit for my bedroom.
Bonus? Bragging rights for having gone to prom as a sophomore!
Next up? Junior prom, 1987. Yeah, the mullet I'm sporting just yells, "Hey, it's 1987 dudes!"
The boy? Mark. You may remember him from such posts as yesterday's.
The dress? Bought on a trip to Texas, no one had anything so cool. Apparently I was way ahead of the fashion curve. Really, click the link, it'll be quick, we'll wait. Amazing and Hi-larious! No?
The date? Closest to the fairy tale I ever got. Although Mark wasn't officially my "boyfriend" because he was a year younger than me. But we hung out, oh hell we dated a lot, but I didn't call it that then. I think he was the only boy I went out with that was more into me than I was him. All that power made it hard for me not to take advantage of him. I hope he has as fond of memories of me as I do of him. He was the sweetest guy, looked cute as can be in photos and was the perfect prom date. The four of us went for a very fancy dinner. I remember all the "beach bitches" were at the same place, we were so cool. And the biggest bonus of going with a friend (this was before the coined phrase with benefits, but that is totally what he was!) was that there were no butterflies, just lots of laughs. Next of course we hit the dance. You know it sounded a lot like this... "Oh how cute is your hair? Your date looks great! OMG that DRESS!" Our after party was just the four of us at the other guy's house. His parents bought us alcohol and then... they left. That would be the part I forgot to tell my parents. But at least I stayed put, much safer than... well, you'll read soon enough.
Trivia: The couple we are with? Married with children.
Bonus? The boy? Turned out to be a heavy hitter. No home run, but a triple is nothing to be ashamed of.
Next up? Senior prom, 1988. The hair, well thank goodness it quieted down and is not screaming anything.
The boy? Steve. Aka: Not that Jim guy, who was his buddy and my crush, that lived in North Carolina.
The dress? Bought on a trip to Texas, no one had anything like it. See a pattern here?
The date? Can.not.remember.dinner. I'm sure we had fun. Again, no pressure due to "friend" as date. So after all the "Oh how cute is your hair? Your date looks great! OMG that DRESS!" we hit the after party. As seniors we all had hotel rooms, most of us were there for drinking, not having sex. My parents thought we were going to my date's house after to hang out in his pool and hot tub. Anyway, at the hotel is when date decides although he was "standing in" for his buddy, he really liked me, and needed to let me know. At the time it pissed me off that he put me in that position on prom night. In retrospect, this guy, I did wrong. He liked me, oh sin of all sins. And he took me to prom, paid for everything down to the hotel, and thought he'd fess up his crush. Me? I left with some other guy! See my dear friend with the late 20 something, prematurely balding man in the photo? She lied to her parents about him, I don't know they've ever seen these pictures. They dated on and off through high school. We liked it when they were "on again" because obviously he bought our alcohol. Anyway, they came into our room with a 20 something hot guy friend of theirs who got left by his date. Me, I am 18. I see this as fate telling me to drop my date and take off with them. Damn, I was sort of... um, I was a bitch! We drove to the beach, used it for what it was intended, making out. Called my parents from a parking lot at the butt crack of dawn to say we were heading to breakfast. Pretty sure I forget to tell them I was with an older guy they didn't know. Here's the kicker, because if you've learned nothing here, you've learned there is always a kicker. All my prom clothes? IN THE HOTEL, with the dude I totally dissed. Shit! Remember parents think I was at date's house, if dress is missing in some hotel, the jig, she is up. Lucky for me, date = super nice guy. He brought all my stuff back to his house for me. I did have to suck it up and go over to get it, but still, he could've, probably should have just left it all there. Would've been a poetic ending, no?
Trivia: Note that "secret" older boyfriend, completely welcomed in my home, my parents never said a word. Because they were/are understanding of young love. They always had me and all my friends getting ready for dances at our house. And my dad always took the obligatory photos of our ceiling... um our dresses and dates for posterity. They however, did not buy us alcohol, because they were/are smart like that. Me? I had/have great parents.
Bonus? Proof that I DID wear that dress again. Albeit to a sorority formal, and my mommy paid someone to cut it off and hem it cocktail party length.
Hurry, you still have time to show up fashionably late. Join us for prom 2008!
And tell me, was your prom Carrie or Pretty in Pink?
In the last month I been seeing pictures of various blogger's kids going to prom. Then last week I see that Mr. Lady, she is all about the prom. Turns out over at Mom's Martini lots of people are getting ready for prom. Me? Show my a good bandwagon and I'll jump on! Add my 20th high school reunion and I am totally geared up for a stroll down memory lane. Had I actually been scanning in pictures, I surely would've lost interest after all the prom shots (you'll have to tune back in tomorrow for those). But since I was using my new camera, and had already dug up the ancient photo album from the depths of my closet. You guessed it! You are getting BONUS 80s photos of me today! Try to contain your excitement please, we don't want the neighbors to know we're having a party over here.
Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start.
In my 100 things post, I mentioned that we moved the summer before I started high school, and I hated it! Then I walked into my 1st period Spanish 1 class, and there he was! Dear gracious it was Jake Ryan! Okay, not really, but check out the amazing resemblance! On the left my high school crush, the right the real Jake Ryan.
Disregarding the bad 80s hair, you gotta admit, that boy was damn near perfect. He also had a deep sexy voice, oh that voice, it sent chills. To top it off, he was a NICE guy. He knew I liked him, how could he not? He caught me cruising past his house on numerous occasions. The stalking, it started way before the internet. He was way out of my league, star football player with various cheerleader girlfriends, and hung with the rich kids (although he wasn't). Anyway, we were on yearbook staff together and he was always sweet to me. We went to the same college and he would always wow my sorority sisters by stopping to talk to me on campus. Oh and that photo? Totally pilfered from the yearbook layouts along with about 10 others in my personal photo album, sorry Mrs. G!
I might have lusted after not Jake Ryan, but I was a sensible girl, and I found me a boy in my own league.
My sophomore year I had the perfect first real boyfriend. He was a year older, drove a red Firebird, (what? it was 1986, that car was cool) and was a football player. He was new to the school too and had to have knee surgery early in the season. Best part of him out with a bad knee? We went to homecoming and I got to sit with my football player boyfriend instead of alone at the game because he couldn't play. I think I was too embarrassed to let my dad take photos of us together, my first high school dance and all, so all I got is me. PS I totally wore that dress I had to buy with my $60 of my hard earned babysitting money to my junior high homecoming dance the year before in a different city. And I wore it again in college! It was a simple spaghetti strap wrap dress under the cute jacket. Totally got my money's worth!That's us on the beach, waiting for the person with the camera to go away so we could make out.
Tomorrow you'll hear more about this boy, Mark, as we attended my Junior prom together. This is my Senior homecoming. You'll note the absence of pictures from my Junior homecoming. That's because I got stood up. Well, not at the last minute, but late enough that I didn't get another date. I spent the game with my friends drinking and ended up getting mono from a guy I didn't even kiss. Damned community drinks! But my junior year will serve as good "I know how you feel" speeches for my daughters, because I've been there, done that.
Senior homecoming? One big fun party, as it should've been, we owned that school!
Try to ignore my mullet, it was very loud in 1987! And those 2 pairs of socks must have made for very hot feet. Maybe that is why I only wear flip flops in my old age!
This was the summer between my Junior and Senior year. That is who I consider my first love, he was my first lover (much later; in case my daughters come across this). He was around on and off again throughout college. Then I hit my head, came to my senses and trapped... um found hubby.
But college is a whole 'nother set of posts! Finishing up high school boyfriends we have ASSHOLE! Now in my defense it was not written on his forehead, in fact it was over a year later that I would learn the truth about him. I met Jim, I'm calling him Jim, because that was his name, he had a common last name like Black or Brown or Smith, but I can't remember it. And if there is a Karma his ass is in jail now. So I'm not changing names, because there is no need to protect, he is NOT innocent! I know it's hard to tell, but he looked a lot like John Cusack. I now refer to him as John's shorter EVIL twin. Bitter? Me? Why do you ask? Anyway, Jim was my crush who actually crushed back. He lived in North Carolina, but had moved there from our town. And he came back to visit friends, which is how we met. He was cute, fun, attentive and someone new.
It wasn't until college he showed his true colors. The short version of the story is he came to visit me for spring break in Daytona and he stole all my jewelry. Turns out he and another close friend of mine had been dealing drugs since high school, hence the frequent trips back and forth from North Carolina. I was very naive and they hid it very well. I did finally put all the pieces together and confronted my friend about it
and he confirmed what I already knew but didn't want to admit, about Jim and the missing jewelry.
And to think this boy, he almost kept me from seeing Say Anything, because I couldn't handle the resemblance to John Cusack. Damn glad I finally got past that!
And here ends our tour of the late 80s for today. Be sure to stop in and dance tomorrow at the prom!
To view more bigger.
I can't help but think of this LeeAnn Womack song.
If Scrapblog had the option to put in your own music this is the song I would've used.
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder...
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty-handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance, I hope you dance
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances, but they're worth takin'
Lovin' might be a mistake, but it's worth makin'
Don't let some hell-bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to sellin' out, reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance